an occasional feature

April

Cast your vote for Hank, the angry drunken dwarf as one of People Magazine's 50 most beautiful people. He's ahead!

Of course, "the Online Beauty Poll has no influence on the editorial decisions PEOPLE Magazine makes in selecting its Fifty Most Beautiful. I'm not sure how this misconception arose..." sez People's online spokesperson. So hey folks, it's just the illusion of democracy, not real democratic process [like so many other things] so even anarchists can vote with a clear conscience.

4/29/98

I went kite flying this weekend out at the beach. Now I am stuck on kites and want to build my own catmonster kite if I can only learn to work this weird pink sewing maching in my basement. I also got a lot of sand in my hair and now I have a lot of sand in my bed.

4/28/98

Got my package from my new credit union, it includes a video that shows me how to use my online banking feature. I have not watched it and am proceeding willy-nilly to bank online. They really got me with their on-line hype "face it, nothing's convenient if you start by reaching for your car keys..."

On a completely unrelated note, is anyone but me creeped out by all the hype surrounding the new anti-impotency drug's alleged usefulness on women with "arousal problems"? According to the FAQ it may cause hallucinations, I suppose that would improve some peoples' sex life.

4/26/98

It's a project happy weekend! Yesterday I sanded down the table I've been meaning to refinish for a year now. My brand new sander had screws that were too tight so I spent half an hour figuring out how the levers that hold the sandpaper are supposed to work [hint: loosen the screws, who knew?]. Sanding went well except for the sanding my arm part. I had less luck with staining. For some reason, the stain looked all blobby and blotchy and just didn't work quite right. Fortunately, I am a reader of directions and noticed that you have 72 hours to change your mind, if you have enough ammonia on hand... I mopped the whole thing off and find that NOW it has that beautiful greeny cast that I'd always wanted. Polyurethaning can wait until next weekend.

Hattie's Hat beat the Photodiscers 16-6. Being the least hungover member of the team, I was only a liability.

4/25/98

Today I went to look at robots with two of my favorite pseudo-hermits. I'm not generally a big art fan, but I recommend this one.

4/24/98

Yesterday I slept through my one-day work week. This was purely accidental and probably a bad idea but the weather's been ripe for sleeping lately. I did get up in time to see my uncle reading from his new book at Elliot Bay Books. I also went over to Left Bank Books today to hang out while he did a book signing. He's kind of a busy guy and it was tough to get a word in edgewise while he kept running into old pals from back in the day but he's got some good solid ideas even if you have to read about them instead of talking to him directly.

4/20/98

Yesterday the Hattie's Hat softball team, for which I play a reluctant catcher, won their first game of the season 12-11. When I look for Hattie's on the web, I come up with 26 hits, three of which are pages of mine.

Today I am in the process of opening an account with a credit union and getting all my money the hell out of Seafirst. I still get $5 for waiting in line for over five minutes, but I really can't overlook all the huge corporate bank buyouts and the fact that my money is probably doing something nasty in "emerging markets." My new credit union is in Spokane but they have on-line banking, which is something even Seafirst doesn't have yet. Also their interest rates are nearly twice as high. All I had to do was be a graduate of a Washington state university and fill out some forms. No pictures taken & no fingerprinting apparatus looming nearby.

4/18/98

Okay, there was one interesting thing that happened yesterday. I was showing Ari around Old Ballard and happened across a gallery announcement containing a naked picture of myself... has this ever happened to you? Basically the woman who took pictures of me last year has a gallery showing at Habitude [see their web page? yup, that's me...] which has a few pictures of me in it. I had no idea. The picture of me that's featured is very nice and slick but there is at least one that I look at and say "wow, does my butt really look that big?" I mean, I'm cool if it does, I'd just like to know, y'know?

4/17/98

Today my houseguest Ari will be filling in for me. I have nothing to report on personally besides my own very boring Week Without Much Cheese...

Is very good with Soundgarden and Jess has plenty doing things here! Am so fast with having morning-afternoon-evening no time to sleep! What exactly? Police at Garden of Sound! Coffee with Marshmallow fluff on top! Big food! Big time! Some say vacation; Jess says no time for that!

4/14/98

I just got back from the doctor, wanna know how my uterus is? Suffice to say that it and my other various poked and prodded body parts are in fine shape with the exception of my cholesterol level, which is unsurprisingly high. This means oatmeal for breakfast every morning [not a problem], little or no red meat [also not too bad] and no more cheese, which may kill me faster than heart disease. My doc also gave me a zillion pamphlets from the American Heart Association including a recipe book with such delectable items as Cottage Cheese and Cinnamon Toasty, and some dubious ingredient known as acceptable margarine.

4/12/98

Today I celebrated Easter by having my own hunt for empty beer bottles after last night's party. The party was a really big fun dance party with a lot of people and a wider range of ages and types of people than my get togethers usually have. The band was great and did three sets tirelessly. I hope to have them back again soon. I slept very late today and stayed in bed most of today which is my favorite way to spend nearly any holiday [or weekend].

In a bit of familial promotion: my uncle just came out with his first book and is going on tour to promote it. I recommend catching him if he comes to your town [April 23rd in Seattle] he's a pretty engaging speaker.

4/10/98

Free Stuff in the Last Seven Days four tix to Victoria Williams two tix to The Big One two tix to Cordelia's Dad two tix to videos at Media 911 giant broken mirror tall Mocha from SBC chocolate chip cookie

I realize that I have nothing to thank for all my free loot as much as the glut of promotions that exist in the twilight of laissez-faire capitalism, especially in the odd microcosm of the world I live in that tends to cater exceptionally to people of my age and interest bracket.

I realize also that I haven't mentioned Jack lately. Well, he's in Vermont at my place and here's his journal, such as it is. I kinda thought that being in Vermont might humble him and make him a bit more aware of the interconnectedness of all things, but now I am starting to worry that it will make him feel even more like some kind of impervious Uberman. I will wait and see.

4/8/98

Saw Michael Moore's movie The Big One last night. A real agit-prop populist feel-gooder, it had the audience clapping on and off for the whole 90 minutes. Some of the stuff in it is rehashing of what's in the book, but since Random House basically funded the travelling he did for the filming [under the guise of a book tour hitting 47 cities and a lot of beleaguered areas ripe for Moore's grandstanding], I guess it's only fair. The movie is worth it if only to watch Moore receive the only pair of American-made Nikes from CEO Phil Knight who passes up Moore's free tickets to Indonesia to visit his $.45/hour factory workers [why isn't there a cents key on my 104 key keyboard?] as well as an arm wrestling match.

4/6/98

My late night bowling buddy has to work Tuesday mornings now so I need to either not bowl on cheap night or find a new bowling partner. This I am loath to do because, judging by the motley assortment of bowling hangers on that we have been going with [you know if you are a hanger on or an invited bowling guest] a good bowling partner is tough to find.

Where I grew up, all bowling was candlepin bowling which meant you had ten slender pins, small balls that fit in your hand [no holes] and three tries to knock all the pins down. I had a tough time adjusting.

4/4/98

great things about this week so far Eric's Dad just might come to my dance party found nine tiny magnets in the street hung out with three big black dogs free tickets to Victoria Willams and Cordelia's Dad came back from Bellingham to a clean house looked at windmills coffee is still free at rest stops

4/2/98

So, you know you're in some sort of laundry denial situation when friends start buying you socks. My socks came with an instruction manual that shows you how to do many things with them instead of wearing them, which is good because they are extra large and I am not.

At any rate, I did laundry, ate nachos, wrote email, drank coffee and hung out, all in one place. If you do laundry in Ballard, not only can't you hang out -- because there's one bench and someone is sleeping on it -- but the closest email is at my house and you have to bring your own soap [as opposed to buying it in a little dish] and mine always cakes up in five minutes in the Ballard sea air.

I also just won Victoria Williams tix on KCMU so am feeling a bit better about not going to Spearhead tonight.

4/1/98

The DJ this morning said "Do we really need a holiday for lying to our friends?" I guess my answer would have to be no. Then he gave away Spearhead tickets while I was opening the Odd Fellows Hall for the Daughters of Pocohontas and the Mature Friends, the pest.