an occasional feature

November

Anyone who has been following the saga of my truck [Chet] since the onset of the rainy season will be happy to know I finally got a knob for my defroster today. This knob has become the symbol of my intertia for months now as I have endured foggy windows and cold road trips because of a $2 part.

I did succeed in buying nothing yesterday, though it was tough.

11/28/97

Today is Buy Nothing Day. I am at home, buying nothing. Come by if you want a turkey sandwich.

It's the day after Thanksgiving and I got to sleep until nearly nine until the barber called and said she didn't have any heat. Folks who keep saying they would love to have my job should examine how they feel about sleep and free time...

Thanksgiving itself went really well. Jack cooked a 22 pound turkey which cost an unbelievable $7.50. I made scalloped potatoes, herb & cheese biscuits, bought some ice cream [Cool Brittania and BuzzBuzzBuzz] and opened a container of hummus. Folks brought food, beer, wine and dogs, and nearly everyone helped clean up. I ended the day eating turkey sandwiches and watching Thin Blue Line and Calendar, both of which were amazing movies.

11/24/97

I spent all weekend at a retreat with the other members of the board of directors of the 45th Street Clinic. The retreat was at the mega-QFC in U Village. This was briliantly timed to conincide with the Apple Cup, so not only did I get to spend 16 hours in a flourescently lit room with a bunch of well-meaning yuppie-types, I got to spend an hour getting home.

I got to listen to people say things like "...moving in a direction that will tell us where we need to be..." and "...dynamic opportunities for change and growth in our environment..." despite the fact that the clinic is a bit over budget [am I not supposed to mention that? I can't remember cuz I was too busy enjoying my vegan tortellini at the new member orientation] which was one of the things we were retreating to deal with.

Despite everything I have heard about the profligate spending of the rich and powerful, I did not get wined and dined at this event.

11/22/97

11/20/97

my phone rings at 5:15 am

me: hello?
caller[whispering]: hi. did I wake you?
me: of course. who is this?
caller: guess.
me: I don't know.
caller: [unintelligible, might have been Ari]
me: Ari?
caller: yeah.
me: what's up [a bit concerned]
caller: I had a dream about you.
me: yeah?
caller: it was an erotic dream
me: oh?
caller: is that bad?
me: no, why?
caller: do you dream about me?
me: sometimes.
caller: are they erotic dreams?
me: no, I don't think so
[keep in mind it's five am and I'm just realizing that this might be getting weird, but Ari and I might plausibly have this conversation in the middle of the night, so I'm game]
caller: are you horny?
me: no.
caller: do you want me to make you horny?
me: prove to me that this is Ari.
caller: gotta go

>click<

11/18/97

Barbie is getting a new look. This is not a pop culture column so I won't go on at length about this except to say that theoretically this new look is to make Barbie a bit more HWP [as opposed to the 39-18-33 waspish weirdo she now is]. I went to the Barbie web site for more info and did not find any news about this new look [I think she's still going to have eyes that are bigger than her ears], but I did get to explore the Ethnic Barbie section, prompting me to email Barbie tech support: "how does Thai Barbie perform her traditional dance when she can't stand up except on tiptoe?"

Q. My BarbieŽ doll didn't come with panties. Are they missing?

No. Only a BarbieŽ doll wearing a short skirt comes with
panties. Some collector dolls also wear underwear. All dolls
without cloth panties have molded-on panties.

11/16/97

Boy did I miss my computer! For those of you who argue that my attachment to my computer [and corresponding Internet] is bad, sad, overly geeky or somehow demented, I would like to take this time to explain what it is that I do so you don't all think I'm just checking out midget porn or something...

1. updated this page
2. read email from friends who have moved away, new friends and complete strangers, wrote back to most of them
3. considered a solicitation to write a Barthelme section for a cool web site
4. updated my cool links
5. checked my web logs to see who's been looking at my pages and found out exactly which pages one of my new friends has looked at [and for how long]
6. wrote a flyer for the Odd Fellows Hall about recycling
7. downloaded a typing program for my friend to use
8. took this picture of me
9. scanned, trimmed and ftp-ed some photos of Guatemala for Allan's web site
10. read up on postfeminism
11. read about the fireball in the sky on Eskimo's lobby newsgroup
12. caught up with Eric -- even though I talk to him fairly often, his journal cracks me up and has as many good links as my own
13. created the SRRT web page
14. checked my pages using lynx to see if they are text-only compatible
15. sent out a party invite for Thanksgiving

11/15/97

Just got back from a whirlwind trip to Portland. My truck is now nicknamed Chet. The Hall did not fall apart in my absence and seems to actually have appreciated its newfound independence.

11/13/97

Tuesday I took my truck into Precision Tune to get it winterized. I had a coupon which had a laundry list of about seven things they would do. First of all, when I came back to pick up my truck, it was exactly where I left it, bad sign. Turns out they hadn't quite gotten to it so I had to come back. When I came back, it was all set to go. They told me I needed new wires, a cap and a rotor which for them to do it would cost about $110. I bought the parts for $30 and had my friend Billy do it in exchange for some future cat-sitting. Score! Precision Tune also forgot to rotate my tires so I had to bring the truck [which is defying attempts to nickname it] back today for them to do that.

11/11/97

I have been waiting for my home page web counter to register 5000 hits. This is since sometime in 1995 so it's not like I'm really popular or anything. I peek at my homepage to see where the counter's at and was considering offering some sort of prize to whoever hit the page at exactly 5000. Of course, it was me. My life is like this.

11/10/97

I took a mini-quiz on line to see what careers would be best for me. My results were: sleuth, writer, TV writer. I guess being a librarian is kind of like being a sleuth. And don't most people say detective anyhow? I personally prefer private eye.

Actually, I'm pretty happy with all my jobs. The caretaker gig is sweet now that the water's back on [two upcoming events, Thanksgiving potluck and another Odd Stock 12/5]. The City wants to renew my contract through next year, donating blood can't be beat, and volunteering at Seattle Public Library is probably the best way to work there.

11/7/97

Of all the money I've spent this month, 39% has been on friends [the party], 29% on beer, 25% on eating out and 6% on my house [which includes bus fare, for some odd accounting reason that I've long since forgotten]. I have, so far, spent no money on clothing, food-shopping-food, drugs, movies, music [the Geraldine Fibbers were free] books or travel. Every now and again it's good to reaquaint myself with my home accounting system so I can keep my urge-to-spend in check.

I am cooking a yam. My Joy of Cooking says that I can, as an alternative, use marshmallows to top it instead of cheese. Then they say "...depending on taste, or lack of taste." which I take as a not-too-subtle jab at the trailer park set. Ouch!

11/6/97

Today's mailbag included my farm insurance as well as Chubby Chatter the newsletter of Seattle Girth and Mirth who are a new group that meets in the Odd Fellows Hall. I had originally thought this was a group of happy fat men, but the newsletter set me straight. They are a group of "chubbies and chubby chasers". The members I met were also happy... Girth and Mirth is a member of the Affiliated Bigmen's Clubs. I hope they are happy here.

11/5/97

I am haunted today by a photocopy of a picture from the New York Times that showed an anti-logging protestor getting pepper spray swabbed directly into her eyes by a sherrif of the Humboldt County sheriff's department. The photo was over the phone at the Elysian Brewery. I must have missed the story originally because I was sick, but thanks to the Internet, I can now "Watch as police rub pepper spray into protesters' eyes". The whole situation nauseates me. I go back and forth over whether police are by definition power-tripping assholes or just a product of a bad cop environment. These guys broke the law three different ways under the guise of keeping the peace. The Republican Senator from California whose office the protestors were in says "this was probably an appropriate use of force"

11/4/97

Thanks for all your cards and letters, my water is now back on and I've even cleaned up the incredible mess the plumbers made. That and hearing an Odd Fellow say "fuck" were two of the highpoints of my day.

Jack's got a journal page so you can now all stop asking me how he is.

11/3/97

Welcome to this week's installment of Guess What Woke Me Up Today? As you may recall if you spoke to me during my flu, last week's winners were: the fire extinguisher inspector (8:30, in person) and my Vermont caretaker, John (5:00, on the phone). Note, all times are in a.m..

Todays winner -- drumroll please -- Washington Electric Co-operative [again in Vermont] at 7:25! Apparently I forgot some piece of paperwork to have my electricity turned on -- which might be a good way of getting revenge on last week's winner...-- and need to fax it to them ASAP. At 7:30 in the morning, I don't even know if I have a fax machine...

11/2/97

I just won tickets to see the Geraldine Fibbers on KCMU. My cold has finally gone away to the point where I can contemplate leaving the house at night. This, despite my having had a rather large Halloween Party on Friday including such costumes as the Dental Nightmare, Guy with Half a Suit [and a whole butt] and the Eight Foot Tall Penis. Wahoo.

During the extended dance remix of my convalescence, I saw Tank Girl, a movie I liked just about as much as Party Girl, but for different reasons. Quote from Tank Girl Web site "the thing that really gets me wet is -- don't laugh -- fighting for what I believe in". With an intro like that, I figured the punch line would have to be something like "...saying no to drugs" or some shit, but I thought that was as cool as you can expect from an MGM web site.